It can be dreary out there....

Updated: Mar 8

So here's an interesting little reflection I had: this whole website concept, creating atomic habits, making small changes, finding a way to be inspired, I keep mistakenly thinking I need to keep everything upbeat and enlightened and clean here. But the truth is, I made this page for the community, not for any other reason. I am not seeking to teach or make money or lead even. I am seeking only to forge forward in my contribution toward creating soft, truthful, accepting places for people like myself to find support and refuge in a uniquely useful way.

While I certainly want to keep this space positive, I don't want it to feel the way so many other spaces can feel, like we all have to come in with our best selves only and present our nicest ways of thinking and feeling.

Today I woke up feeling so inspired to work here. I add content, write my brains out, and update the books, podcasts, and forum. You see, Mondays are special days for me, as I don't book any meetings or sessions or calls. At least I do my best to avoid doing that. And I

send my kids to school and my husband to the office, and I get the first sounds of silence in a week. I'm not exaggerating. I live with three loud and bouncy kids, I work with people and I wake up to them and go to sleep with them and my days feel like I'm rushing around always a few steps behind. And so Mondays, sweet Mondays, at 9 am, if all goes well, it stops. And there is quiet.

Except for this Monday. Because it's a snow day. And two Mondays ago, and the snow day two weeks before it. Seriously. I don't know what is going on, but this move to online school when it snows is fucking with my Zen.

So this Monday I didn't feel awesome. I felt stressed, claustrophobic, and, tremendously, stupendously self-pitying. And I have to tell you, this felt more than a little ridiculous given the situation going on in Europe. Children dying, families becoming refugees, and worse. My world of having less time than I want to indulge in my creative work is hardly a reason to pout as I was pouting. Add to this I'm a coach whose very job is to make people feel better and more resilient in challenging times. lol Lord it's crazy how the very conditions that should make us better can sometimes just make us feel notably worse. For shame. For confusion. For being soft. For being spoiled.

Anyway, here's my point, at long last. I didn't have any of my atomic habits today: not the water, not the meditation, not the music, not even the new one I started of laying a blanket of compassion over my own physical spaces. It's an imagined blanket. I just have to pretend to see it. It couldn't be less "hard" to do. I didn't do it. Because I'm sulking. And I want to keep sulking (or I did until I started writing). And that, my friends, is so often how habits start to disintegrate and degrade. It's how they start to trick us into believing that they don't work. Even though they do work.

We stop doing them when we need them most. Almost every time. I see it in myself, in my clients, in my friends and family. I see it in my kids. I know it's true, I know better. And yet, here I am, coffee on an empty stomach, disturbing news feed starting my day, my mind utterly un-quieted for even a moment, no compassion blanket to be found and, well, actually, this here writing....that's helped. A lot.

But I'm leaving this here. Even now that I have generated in myself the energy to write a much more positive, uplifting blog. I'm leaving it here because it was and is and will be again the truth.

I will re-assign my new positive energy toward the rest of the site. I promised a survey was coming your way, so I am crafting it here on this windy, icy, kid-infused day. :)

26 views6 comments